Awkward! Uncomfortable! Intimidating!

¡Hola!

It has almost been a full week since my arrival here in Barcelona. As I promised in my “Who she is” section of this blog, I will share with you my exciting elements of living over seas BUT also my out of comfort points as well. And when I say “out of comfort” I do mean OUT OF COMFORT.

¡Vale! [vah’lay] – Okay!

Before coming to Barca, I made a decision to stay with a host family my first semester. I wanted to throw myself into the culture and language. Even though I do not speak Español, I thought that because Barcelona is such a tourist city … I would do bastante bien. NOT! I can’t understand a word my host mom is saying. Why? Well, she doesn’t speak English. Have you ever been in a long cab ride after meeting someone for the first time … and you want to talk with them, get to know them and have great conversation with them … but they are looking at you confused while you’re talking and you’re looking at them confused while their talking and you see the cab driver in the rearview just looking? {EXHALE} It’s socially awkward, extremely uncomfortable and slightly intimidating!

As I sat in the backseat of the cab alongside my host madre, I could feel the shaky lump growing inside my throat. “Are you serious, Antoinette?” I thought to myself. “Keep that pretty, pearly, white smile on your face and DON’T YOU CRY!” So I did just that. I kept that pretty smile on too. Until I laid my head on my pillow that night … I allowed my tears to fall.

It’s also challenging when the only friends you have are natives speakers to the language. I have moments when we meet locals or friends and all you hear is Español. It’s socially awkward, extremely uncomfortable, and slightly intimidating. It doesn’t feel too good feeling left out. I try my absolute hardest to be a good sport. I really do! So I put on a good face but when it’s all said and done… I come home at night and cry.

Anyone who has the honor of meeting me knows that I am a happy soul. I’m quirky, goofy, fun and I keep a smile on my face. It’s weird not feeling like your self. I’m not UN-happy, I’m just not … happy. Is there such a thing?

Fortunately for me, I am one week shy of eight months to go. {Giggles} That’s a lot of time for things to turn my frown upside down. My classes start on Monday and hopefully it will give me a new look on things. After all, I’m in BARCELONA! … Where the city is beautiful and alive. I refuse to let this socially awkward, extremely uncomfortable, slightly intimidating feeling control me. Tomorrow is a new week and it will look up from here. {IT IS SO!}

Uncomfortable Soul